Pittsburgh has been... interesting, thus far.
Yeah, THAT kind of interesting.
It's not bad, exactly. It's more of a... I don't even KNOW. Maybe I'm just discombobulated by being away from Mike for any extended period of time.
Whatever it is.
Belinda texted me ten minutes after I landed... said she couldn't make dinner. Her only explanation was "(timing)" and that wasn't much of an explanation. To me, it felt an awful lot like a brushoff. She hasn't texted me again. I'm kind of... not upset, exactly, but sort of, and kind of hurt.
Lunch yesterday was great... I ate in the hotel restaurant with Adam. "Grilled Cheese" is what it was called... smoked Gouda cheese, sliced thick and grilled, with long crunchy toast (I can NOT think of what it's called) and an absolutely divine tomato concoction and caramelized onions. This was after an argula salad that was pure heaven on a plate. Yum.
Michael had given me $60 on Sunday, insisting that traveling without money was a bad idea. Thank god he did.
The hotel put a hold on my card of $511.70. For four days of "incidentals." The hotel room was already paid for... this is just incidentals. Well, since I only had one paycheck's worth of money in my account to begin with, this of course overdrew my account by a considerable margin. Like... $500 overdrawn (because there are also overdraft charges pending). I am just sick. I had put $150 in the account on Saturday night so there would be SOMETHING there for me to use for meals while I was here... not one penny of that is available. I cannot WAIT to get my staff credit card. A credit card won't present me with these problems.
Mike is going to deposit money in my account tomorrow; I feel like the lowest form of crap for that. THIS time, it's not any poor financial planning on my part, at least; I was responsible and paid my bills and all with my first paycheck, but managed to keep myself afloat anyway. I still have to have my partner bail me out. *sigh*
This morning's policy session was excellent. I have a lot of upcoming policy issues that will require some finesse and finagling on my part to navigate, so it was valuable, too. The rest of the day was just... meh. The activity part was fine... we got some good ideas and such. The rest of it just pretty much sucked rocks.
Jeannie and I skipped the rotations and talked about the JDVNC Board and the varying views of what JDVNC would be doing. It would appear there is a wide variety of belief in terms of the purpose of the coalition; I would guess that's going to be a big issue to deal with prior to the board retreat.
We went to the happy hour thing... it was LOUD and crazy but there was free food and drink, so that's a plus. I met a few new people who will, hopefully, contribute to the coalition's establishment (and thus to my sanity). Then we talked a little while and went our separate ways. I came back to my room and have been doing nothing since then other than surfing vintage clothing websites. I'm just... blah.
******
Tuesday morning
******
It's Morgan's birthday. And I have a 7:30 meeting. Blugh.
Off to shower.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
It's alive...
My life, she has changed pretty incredibly drastically in the past year.
It hasn't even been a year since I was at Brenna's, and it seems like a lifetime. Not quite eleven months ago, I was wrapping up a two-week vacation in which I had gone away and thought for five days in the wilds of Backbone, met both Andy and Mike for the first time, and spent the last weekend I would spend with Tim. I remember telling Brenna that I didn't think my relationship with Mike would go anywhere... but Andy? I thought there was real potential for a relationship with Andy, because he and I were of like minds. Mike, however, was bucking and kicking against being one of my loves. He didn't then (nor does he now) understand polyamory. He couldn't understand it and he didn't want to.
I was feeling trapped in my job... trapped both by my lack of education (or, more to the point, my lack of degree... I'm quite well-educated, thank you) and by my marriage. Paul had made it clear he had no intention of following me around the country if I decided to go elsewhere to go to school or find my Community; he was putting his foot down. He wanted to stay HERE, in Iowa, and preferably closer back "home" in Eastern Iowa. Eastern Iowa isn't home for me. It hasn't been for a very long time. Iowa isn't home for me. I haven't HAD a home for a very long time, frankly. At least I haven't felt like it.
Not even a year later, holy.
Michael and I have moved in together into a rental house that is probably about a hundred years old, and which is more or less my dream house. We've been working on various things around the house (ok, he's been doing most of the work... I pitch in here and there and he teaches me things, which I love). Hell, we'll be working on this house until we move out, I'm quite sure. Regardless of its status as a rental, we really love this house.
We just... we FIT. Things are far from perfect; but somehow it doesn't matter in the least. I am, dare I say it again, HAPPY. Content. I don't remember the last time I felt that way.
I've changed jobs... taken a rather massive step upwards, frankly, into a job I have NO idea if I'm fit for. I'm going to be forming and stabilizing a national coalition of programs that serve Deaf domestic and sexual violence victims. I'm terrified. It's beyond challenging.
I'm still polyamorous... I can't get away from that, it's who I am. I can and do love more than one person at a time. I am, however, leading a totally monogamous life. And not regretting it in the least.
I'm starting to relax into our relationship, really learn his rhythms. He's so different from anyone else I've known, and there are some things about him that, in a different person, would be dealbreakers. But they fit within him, and he fits against me. It amazes me over and over again.
I have a new coffee mug that is one of those sappy things... it has four sappy sayings on it.
*I'm a little bit more in love with you each morning when I wake up
*I'm a little bit more in love with you every time you say my name
*I'm a little bit more in love with you every time you walk into the room
*I'm a little bit more in love with you every day
Sappy, but...
When I wake up next to him in the morning (most mornings... nothing is universal), I look over at him and smile.
When he says "My Gretchen Marie" I still melt.
When he walks into a room, I still look up and smile.
We haven't even KNOWN each other a year, but we both feel like we've been together forever. The honeymoon phase was over months ago; he's made me cry a few times, and I've pissed him off a few times. We're just... right.
I'm hopeful.
We'll be in Cedar Falls for a few more years, until his kids are out of high school. Then... we're off. We don't know to where, just yet. Somewhere with lots of people, a Community for me, and easy access to trees and mountains and rivers.
For the record, that's nowhere in Iowa.
It hasn't even been a year since I was at Brenna's, and it seems like a lifetime. Not quite eleven months ago, I was wrapping up a two-week vacation in which I had gone away and thought for five days in the wilds of Backbone, met both Andy and Mike for the first time, and spent the last weekend I would spend with Tim. I remember telling Brenna that I didn't think my relationship with Mike would go anywhere... but Andy? I thought there was real potential for a relationship with Andy, because he and I were of like minds. Mike, however, was bucking and kicking against being one of my loves. He didn't then (nor does he now) understand polyamory. He couldn't understand it and he didn't want to.
I was feeling trapped in my job... trapped both by my lack of education (or, more to the point, my lack of degree... I'm quite well-educated, thank you) and by my marriage. Paul had made it clear he had no intention of following me around the country if I decided to go elsewhere to go to school or find my Community; he was putting his foot down. He wanted to stay HERE, in Iowa, and preferably closer back "home" in Eastern Iowa. Eastern Iowa isn't home for me. It hasn't been for a very long time. Iowa isn't home for me. I haven't HAD a home for a very long time, frankly. At least I haven't felt like it.
Not even a year later, holy.
Michael and I have moved in together into a rental house that is probably about a hundred years old, and which is more or less my dream house. We've been working on various things around the house (ok, he's been doing most of the work... I pitch in here and there and he teaches me things, which I love). Hell, we'll be working on this house until we move out, I'm quite sure. Regardless of its status as a rental, we really love this house.
We just... we FIT. Things are far from perfect; but somehow it doesn't matter in the least. I am, dare I say it again, HAPPY. Content. I don't remember the last time I felt that way.
I've changed jobs... taken a rather massive step upwards, frankly, into a job I have NO idea if I'm fit for. I'm going to be forming and stabilizing a national coalition of programs that serve Deaf domestic and sexual violence victims. I'm terrified. It's beyond challenging.
I'm still polyamorous... I can't get away from that, it's who I am. I can and do love more than one person at a time. I am, however, leading a totally monogamous life. And not regretting it in the least.
I'm starting to relax into our relationship, really learn his rhythms. He's so different from anyone else I've known, and there are some things about him that, in a different person, would be dealbreakers. But they fit within him, and he fits against me. It amazes me over and over again.
I have a new coffee mug that is one of those sappy things... it has four sappy sayings on it.
*I'm a little bit more in love with you each morning when I wake up
*I'm a little bit more in love with you every time you say my name
*I'm a little bit more in love with you every time you walk into the room
*I'm a little bit more in love with you every day
Sappy, but...
When I wake up next to him in the morning (most mornings... nothing is universal), I look over at him and smile.
When he says "My Gretchen Marie" I still melt.
When he walks into a room, I still look up and smile.
We haven't even KNOWN each other a year, but we both feel like we've been together forever. The honeymoon phase was over months ago; he's made me cry a few times, and I've pissed him off a few times. We're just... right.
I'm hopeful.
We'll be in Cedar Falls for a few more years, until his kids are out of high school. Then... we're off. We don't know to where, just yet. Somewhere with lots of people, a Community for me, and easy access to trees and mountains and rivers.
For the record, that's nowhere in Iowa.
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